My love for Johnathan

On this page is my adoption experience with my son.I was 18 years old facing a unplanned pregancy.I lived in spokane WA,I just gradated from high school,at that time.I was 18.I knew at that time in my life,I wasnt ready to be a parent.But in my heart I really wanted to.So I moved back to N.H.to live with my dad,stepmom,I knew I was to young at that time in my life to be a parent,so adoption was my option.Abortion was something that I was against in my life.So I searched for a agency,I even looked into a private adoption.But what fit my situtation best was a agency,that I found in N.H.I called alot of agencys,spoke to alot of people.I found this agency to be very family like.So I choice this one to place my son with .Under certain way that I wanted the adoption to be like.I wanted a family that would have me be involved,not feel I placed this baby with them, was forgotten.Once i met the parents I knew they wouldnt be that way.I choice them from profiles,I had got it down to 6 families,but only one family I met.They are the family I picked to.They were in there 40"s the father was adopted himself,that helped alot to.They were very nice to me,we met a few times,once when I was 5 months pregant,the other time when my son was 2 days old.Its been 17 yrs now,they still send me the pics,letters twice a yr like we had agreed 17 yrs ago.I know they didnt have to continue that though out the years,I just hope they would.I am so thankful for that.There is"nt a day that doesnt go by I dont think of that little baby I had so long ago,knowing what I did to make his adoptive parents a family.One thing I will always cheerish in my heart,is what the adoptive mom had said to me in a note she wrote,it said every time we hug,kiss the baby you are silently thank.That has always touched me,I will carry it forever.I also wanted to say is that adoption isnt for everyone,get all the facts you can about it.Talk to people,birthmothers,I can tell you if you talk to at least one person a day,that one person probably knows someone who has placed a child for adoption.My adoption experience was succesful,to the fact that,I still have contact,though there letters,pics of my son.I never experienced true love in my life untill I met my son,17 yrs ago.When I first set my eyes on him,I knew he was a gift to me,to give to someone else,I didnt want to.The hurt,pain that comes with being a birthmother,is really unbearable.But I knew in my life at that time is what I needed to do,to give him the greatest love of all that I could give him was a mom,dad.I will always love him,he will always be part of my life,I hope someday when he"s of age he will find me,want to be part of our lives to.Hope he will forgive me for not raising him my self.I placed him so he could have a better life.It is funny how things can change cause few months after that I did meet someone,a yr later I was pregant with my daughter Tricia who"s 15 now,we married 3 yrs later,our marriage didnt last long,but I moved on I met someone else who"s my husband today,we had a baby together name Matthew who"s 6 now.So we raise Tricia,Matthew,life is great ,Tricia sees her dad often.I hope someday all three of my children wil be in the same room together.I can say at least when my son turns 18 it wont be a long search if he wants to find me,cause my files are open for him to search for me when he turns 18.Plus me being so involved in the birthmother world,I am very involved with the person who did my adoption,still am to this day.I always will be.My story is succesful,but it wont be complete till we meet.If you would like to send a comment please fill out form below,I was 19 yrs old when i gave birth to him.I felt I was to young at that time in my life. Anthony is turning 18 yrs old this Mother's day which is Sunday May 11th. So this Mother's Day is Extra special.