I will update soon!.

I am a birthmom of a 7 yr old daughter whom I planned and placed for adoption after she was born.  After all these years, it is still very difficult, even though the relationship had been open up until a few years ago; now it is semi-open by the adoptive parents request. Because I love them all so much, I respect their wishes and their privacy.  At this time in my life, I have moments when I miss my baby very much, and yet, I am not sure if I want to see her.  Then the guilt of those feelings set in.  If anyone can, I would appreciate some feedback.  Thanks!

 I am hoping for a reunion, I have found the adoptive parents of my birthchild and have sent a letter. I am awaiting a response. My question is, is do I share this information/experience with my family? Over the 20 years which have passed, this subject has always been a hush-hush situation
which has been swept under the rug. I know they care and are curious but I also don't want to invite over-involvement on their part which may hinder my attempts at a reunion. So my question is, do I tell them of what I am doing? Or take a wait and see approach?

 

When I was 18 I got pregnant while I was away at school. I came home for Chistmas break and thats when I found out that I was pregnant. then I called the babys father and I told him that I need to talk to him and I said that I was pregnant. Of course the first thing out of his mouth was "Are you sure its mine?". I said yes there is no possibility that its anyone elses. Then he was ok with it. I was living home at the time. I have yet to say anything to my parents. Then one night me and the babys father got in a fight over the phone and I told him I would talk to him the next day. Instead he purposely called my house later than he knew he was allowed b/c my dad went to work early so he went to bed early. When he called my dad picked up the phone and out of spite he told my dad that I was pregnant. (at this point I was about 5 1/2 months pregnant.) Thats when i found out that I was going to do the adoption route. I have to say that I have NEVER made a better decsion!
  in my life. I went though an agency. I looked at portfolios and I picked two couples to interview. (I had an idea of what kind of people I wanted in my head.) I went with my parents to the interviews. (they were in the same day) the first couple I interviewed I was not comfotable with at all. I felt like I could not trust them. So when that interview was over I told my social worker that I do not want that couple. (even though I felt bad b/c they came from vacation to meet me. but I had to do what I thought was right for my baby.) Then the next couple came in and they were the ones I picked. I love them from the begining. I felt alot of trust and honesty right away. We had an instant bond. They were even called when I went into labor. She was in the room with my when I gave birth to our son. I see him every few months and I talk to them on the phone at least once a week and I get pictures all the time.

If anyone ever need to talk or has any question about adoption at all feel free to message me. I will answer the best I can.